Learning (or relearning) to food shop and cook for one

This isn’t easy at the best of times, but it’s even harder when it comes about because of a loss.

That loss might be a partner dying or needing to move into care, or we divorce.

These aren’t rare occurrences, but they’re certainly dislocating. And somehow, we need to keep as healthy as we can while navigating our way through them.

I have a friend — I’ll call her Jill — whose husband died around 15 months ago.

She lived alone before they got together, and she’s a smart, health-conscious woman in her 70s, but she’s still finding her way through the challenge of feeding herself.

As she says, “When you’re suddenly alone and coping with grief, along with shock and trauma, it’s beyond you to manage practical things like meals. Grief brain is real — I often feel like my memory is a sieve.

“I hated going to the supermarket and seeing his favourite things on the shelves that I used to buy for him. Walking past those was heartbreaking.”

(I’ve read of another woman who said much the same. She’d be in tears in the meat section because she was buying one piece of fish, one piece of steak, and so on.)

Jill adds, “I eat a lot of easy things at the moment. I’m forever buying more than I need, and as much as I hate throwing food out, I’m having to do that. I’m looking for easy ways to have nutritious food and not waste things.”

When we live alone, smaller, more frequent shopping trips are probably called for, but there are still a lot of food items that are hard to buy in amounts that suit one person.

Jill’s easy things include good quality takeaway. She’s moved to an inner-city apartment, where she’s surrounded by cafes and has an independent grocer nearby.

The grocer, she says, has a good range and good quality, and they sell single serves of meals such as eggplant parmigiana, so every couple of weeks she buys something like that.

She also makes batches of food she can draw on later.

“I’ve made a big lentil curry or minestrone, and I can freeze that in small lots so it’s easy to reach for one. I bought myself a microwave so I can thaw and reheat things,” says Jill.

“I’ve been putting more emphasis on breakfast, because I’m more interested in making an effort with food early in the day, than at night when I’m tired. I’m following the Glucose Goddess model, so I have a savoury breakfast that sets me up well for the day.

“Lunch, if I’m home might be something like cheese on toast or an omelette. I like soba noodles and I can have those with a good homemade pesto they sell at the supermarket.

“At night it might be just avocado and something on toast, or fruit and yoghurt. Sometimes I’ll roast a lot of vegies then eat them cold with a meal.

“I focus on having protein at each meal. I’m keen to eat well and stay healthy and I’m a very mindful eater, but I don’t always have the energy or the wherewithal.

“In the past I’ve had a garden and grown greens and herbs at home. I don’t now, so that’s what I buy at the market. I’ve learned that if you put your greens in a plastic bag with a piece of kitchen paper, the paper absorbs moisture and the herbs last longer.

“In summer it’ll be easier, but it takes ages to get used to doing this for yourself.”

One advantage Jill has is that her mother set a great example. She was alone for about 30 years, and lived independently at home until she was 100.

“We’d turn up at lunchtime and she’d be cooking a chop, plus three vegies in the microwave, and she’d have made herself a bread-and-butter pudding,” says Jill.

“So I remind myself about the way she did things.”

Jill notes too that the transition to living alone involves replanning the pantry. “There’s no way I need so much now,” she says. “I don’t need the crockery, cutlery and appliances I used to. I realise I’m not going to be making cakes, for example.”

While she says she’s muddling her way through, the path she’s trodden provides clues for the rest of us should we find ourselves in a similar place: find good takeaway options, cook big batches that can be frozen, start the day well, aim to have protein at each meal, and look for role models.

One thing she’s not ready to do yet though is cook for others.

“In the last year-and-a-quarter I’ve done that only about six times,” she says. “Right now, I really don’t want to. I like cooking but I haven’t got my confidence back to do that sort of thing.”

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